My name is Kenneth Heppell.I am 38 years old,and i have just come to the end of an arduous search for my birth mother thanks to the family circle, mainly Debby Wilson. I lived with a family from the age of about 12 months. Throughout going through childhood i always thought that our parents must be wee off. We had (what i thought were) private doctors etc,coming to the house to check on me. I didn't realise until later in life that they were social workers. It was at about the age of 9,that i was told that i was adopted. From that time on i felt different. I can remember sat telling somebody on a bus i was adopted and crying. I didn`t feel normal anymore. I was a spoilt child. I got everything that i wanted. There was one thing missing that i craved for and that was to be loved. To feel love It didn`t really sink in what being adopted meant. I just knew i was different. My life went on until the age of about 21. Then came a big blow.My dad died. After he had died, everything had to go through probate to get everything signed over to my mother. It was then that i found out that i was fostered not adopted. So many emotions ran through me. Why had i been lied to? It was then that my life changed. I hated my mother for not telling me the truth. I wondered why they hadn`t adopted me. The only thing i could think of was they did it for the money. From that time on i kept everybody at a distance. At one stage i had to go and see a psychiatrist. I went down the avenues of drinking.So many thoughts were in my head with nowhere to let them out. One of the main things was that i got on great with my foster dad.I left home and needed to go back to talk to my foster dad over some dispute. I was too late.He had died the day before.There were so many things left un-said. From there i started to search for my birth mother. There were so many rumours. I searched Australia,Consett,Records offices. I kept coming to a dead end. Then in 1994 i got a full birth certificate. I finally had a name. Then i wanted to put a picture to the name. I needed to know that i belonged. The main reason i searched after 1994 was that i needed to know why i was given away. I was told so many different stories. The other thing that hurt was i had a name for my mother and a pen line for a father. I needed to get some identity. I went through my life after that not letting anybody close to me. Never knowing what love was because i never knew what love was. I got married,but all i did was work,because that was the only place i was truly happy. Because i felt i could control that part of my life. That marriage broke down after 3 years. Then i met my present wife. I found out at the age of 36 that i did have feelings. I sat and broke down one night and cried for 3 hours. All the years of pent up anger and frustration came out. From that night things changed. I now knew how to love and give love. This year we bought a P.C as another attempt of trying to trace my mother. We posted notes on adoption boards all over the world. We started getting bits of help. Then we e-mailed Debby. Within the space of 5 days she telephoned me on a Sunday night and 5 minutes later i was speaking to my birth mother. You would think that we had known each other for years. I had all my questioned answered and i felt complete. I owe everything to Debby. She brought years of heart ache to an end. I now have somebody to call MUM. Back...